My name is Cheryl, and I’m a fixer

Wow, what a relief to get that secret out, confess it and be honest about it! In order to activate change and be different, you have to be honest about your life and I have needed an intervention as a fixer.

I know some of you may be smiling right now because being a fixer isn’t exactly in the same box of concern as maybe other addictions or extreme behaviors, but the truth is that my drive to fix things causes me to overstep, to be impatient, to feel anxious over things I shouldn’t. Do you see the picture?

What’s weird about the gift of being a fixer is that in the right time and the right place it is a great gift. My job benefits from this gift, my family does, my church does, but within all of these areas there is a line a fixer shouldn’t cross. I haven’t crossed that line too many times….but enough times to know I don’t belong there.

I have learned that there are even seasons of “fixing”, when my children were younger, when a staff member or friend is in crisis, when my help is asked for. There are also seasons when my input is meant to stay internal, to use it as a place of prayer not a moment of opinion. OK, there it is on this page…the hardest part of this…to hold something in my heart, speak of it only to God and wait.  It feels like taking the scenic route when I know we could take the express lane.  God has been revealing to me that I am missing much of what He intends for me, while I am busy fixing and driving in the express lane of life. His intention towards me is that I would pause, consider the place of fixing, and enjoy the amazing sights that can only be found on the road less traveled.

Living in the Northwest there is nothing better than taking time for a lake drive, a trip across the mountain pass, a ferry ride on a warm summer day, the scenic route is amazing. This summer Steve and I talked a lot about staying in the moment of each day, enjoying the gift that the day brings and I realized that the draw to “fix” robs me of the moment I am in.

I also realized that this “fixing” puts a pressure on me that God never intended for me to carry.  There is a difference between interceding for someone, standing alongside others in prayer and support and feeling like if you could only say or do just the right thing then their family would be made whole or they would stop walking in brokenness.  I am not sure when the slide began from being obedient to God by serving others to feeling the need to fix it all for others. To be totally honest it makes me anxious, how do you break habits that are so embedded in your DNA? You break them one step at a time, one step of course correction can bring about an entirely new destination.  So I began to look at the how and why of my fixing skills and found the following to be true:

1. God sees it all. God has gifted me with discernment, I tend to have a big picture view, but I am not intended to take on responsibility or create a master plan for all that I see. God and God alone is the creator and He is the one who sees ALL things. His big picture view makes mine look as if I am blind.

2. Know my limits. I am reminded that God loves me enough to put safe guards in my life and He always puts spiritual road blocks up at points that shouldn’t be crossed. My job is to obey the road signs and not cross them even if my intentions are good and the benefit seems clear to me.

3. Choose to walk in the path of His provision and purpose. That place is only found in full reliance upon God leading my path and enjoying the scenic route even if I didn’t choose it. “He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His names sake.” Psalm 23

My name is Cheryl and I am in process, how about you?

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8 Responses to My name is Cheryl, and I’m a fixer

  1. Patty says:

    You are such a blessing. Thank you for being transparent. And I’m not a fixer, but boy do I feel the anxiety, the pressure… from other things. So glad to know it isn’t just me!

  2. maxine says:

    WOW! You totally nailed what I have been feeling myself! I am such a “fixer” also and it has made this past year extremely difficult for me. I am encouraged by your words!! Blessings to you.

  3. Yary Oslund says:

    This is so inspiring. A great wake up call for self awareness. Meditading on the trues you mentioned I realized that when we try to fix in a non-fixing season it could actually be injuring that person’s growth. God definetally sees it all and knows the best way to use to teach us 🙂
    Thank you so much for sharing 🙂

    • Thank you Yary for joining in on the conversation! Great insight about possibly harming others when we overstep in any situations. you are insightful, look forward to hearing more from you!

  4. Nancy Mulder says:

    I am so a fixer and also helper! I do not always put it to prayer first and I know I need to. I have had to ask god for help to make some changes in my live so I can learn to put him first and all else
    after. Very difficult at times!
    Cheryl I am so glad you have this online bible study, I was looking for one and then you put it on Facebook! Thank you Jesus! I also follow your church website! You and Steve do awesome work! I am so glad we met you in Israel!,

  5. Tonya Rinnert says:

    Thanks for sharing this. I too am a fixer and am in the same place as you realizing it’s not all for me to fix. I like what you shared about it being a moment to pray and I will be doing just that.

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